In Memory of Aidan

November 8, 2008



Mommy I'm Here

Mommy I know this day wasn't what you had planned,
But I'm right here beside you, holding your hand.
My spirit has already gone, there's so much work to do,
But our Father let me come today so I could comfort you.
I know you and Daddy love me, and it's hard to see me go,
But that is why we're sent to earth, so we can learn and grow.
I wish I could stay with you here and play with my brother too,
But for now I'll have to wait until your missions are though.
I'll be near when you need me to wipe away your tears,
to hold you tight and kiss your cheeks and chase away your fears.
And on the day our Father calls you to come home
I'll be right there to get you, you'll never be alone.

-Deanne Taylor

Aidan, you will be forever loved and forever missed.

Time

"Time didn't heal, it numbed. Like a good anesthetic, it made the pain more bearable but it never went away." -C. Kelly

An Angel Hug

Angels are ever all around us,
And with love they do surround us.
When my heart is sore in need,
The angels come, my soul to feed.
They come to me from up above,
And sing in whispers of love.
When in my heart I feel a tug,
I know that it's an angel's hug.

-Unknown

Too Perfect

The time has come to say goodbye,
But still we have to question why.
You were with us just a short time,
But you left your love and memories behind.
I tell myself it's not fair you were taken from me,
But I know your greater purpose was not to be.
In our hearts ans minds you will remain
Aside from all the sadness and the pain.
You will always be our little girl,
Too perfect for this imperfect world.

-Don Billmire

PAIL Awareness Day

For Others Too

Some of our family and friends may wonder why I keep this blog going. It is, of course, in memory of our beautiful daughter, and is also for us to have a place to go to and remember our her, but it is for others too. I have received many emails from people all over the nation thanking me for this blog. I selected the option to have it come up in Google searches and have worked on posting helpful support links for those who might come across it. Pregnancy and infant loss is such a tough trial to have to go through. When it happens to you you go through it for the rest of your life. There are good days, sometimes even good weeks or months, but the sadness and grief of it always come back for a visit every now and then. Most people do not know where to turn. I am grateful for the support we have been given, know how much it helps, and want to make it available for others. If you know of anyone, anyone who could benefit from this blog, even in the slightest, please share it with them. There are helpful links, songs, poems, etc. for parents who have suffered a miscarriage(s), stillbirth(s), or a neonatal loss(s). If you know of any links or information I can post here that I do not already have posted please let me know. No matter how they were lost our babies are all angel friends who want to see us happy. If I have helped to give one person a tiny bit of that happiness then I can know I have made my daughter proud.

Mommy I'm Here

Mommy I know this day wasn't what you had planned,
But I'm right here beside you, holding your hand.
My spirit has already gone, there's so much work to do,
But our Father let me come today so i could comfort you.
I know you and Daddy love me, and it's hard to see me go,
But that is why we're sent to earth, so we can learn and grow.
I wish I could stay with you here and play with my brother too,
But for now I'll have to wait until your missions are though.
I'll be near when you need me to wipe away your tears,
to hold you tight and kiss your cheeks and chase away your fears.
And on the day our Father calls you to come home
I'll be right there to get you, you'll never be alone.

-Deanne Taylor

Letting Go

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't winning and it isn't losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear and it's not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or madness. It's not giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not defeat. To let go is to cherish memories but to overcome and to move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is accepting. It is learning and experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will have soon again. Letting go is having the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door and to clear a path and to set yourself free.

-Gloria Abraham

First Due Date Anniversary

If things had gone the way we planned you would be turning one year old some time around today. Learning how to walk. "Momma" and "Daddy"ing. But, it was not meant to be. Still, it's hard not to think about what might have been.

Oh how the absence of your giggles and cries hurts our ears, and our hearts! How we've ever made it through to this far is beyond me. We notice you not being there the most when we're around family. Someone is missing. How wonderful that they all have you for an angel though!

We remember you this time of year, dream about a non-existent present, and know how happy you must be with the view you have from where you are. A visual view and a spiritual view only someone like you can have.

We love you and miss you every single day. We can't wait to hold you in our arms once more.

All We Have To Do

My favorite movies are "The Lord of The Ring" movies. In the first movie Frodo, the hero, gets stuck with the very unfortunate and grueling task of destroying a very evil ring. With tears streaming down his face Frodo says, "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened." Frodo's close friend and mentor, Gandalf, replies, "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." Every time I hear these quotes tears stream down my face. I think, "I wish this pain had never come to me. I wish little Liv would have never died." Gandalf's reply always hits me. "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." For a long while time stood still for me. Yet at the same time it was passing too quickly. These conflicting feelings created a pause in my life where I just stopped. I stumbled around without a reason or cause forgetting things that were once important to me. I am just now starting to "play" again. Slowly I am learning to move on while at the same time carry this, carry her with me. Though Gandalf's words always struck me I am just now beginning to follow them. Sometimes I thought I was following them. I'd have little spurts. It no longer feels like spurts. I am deciding.