Tomorrow

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love and hate you, tomorrow. You're only a day away.

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Visitor From Heaven

A visitor from Heaven
If only for a while.
The gift of life to be returned
We think of you and smile.

A visitor from Heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place.

With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name.
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came.

We're so glad you came
A visitor from Heaven
If only for a day.
We thank Him for the time he gave
And now it's time to say.

We trust you to the Father's love
And to His tender care.
Held in the Everlasting Arms
And we're so glad you're there.
We're so glad your there.

With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name.
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came.
We're so glad you came.

-Unknown

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When A Baby Dies

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Stillbirth Research and Awareness Act of 2011

Rep. Peter King Introduces Stillbirth Research and Awareness Act of 2011

March 25, 2011

CALL FOR HOUSE CO-SPONSORS! All MISS members must contact their U.S. House of Representative requesting their co-sponsorship of H.R. 1037 – the Stillbirth Research and Awareness Act of 2011. The best method is to call your Congressperson’s office and ask to talk to the staff member who deals with Health issues. Tell the staff member that you want your Congressperson to co-sponsor H.R. 1037 – the Stillbirth Research and Awareness Act of 2011 and would like to send them an e-mail. Request their e-mail address and send them an e-mail. Here's an example


Dear (staffmember),

My family would be honored if Rep. (Name) would co-sponsor H.R. 1037 – the Stillbirth Research and Awareness Act of 2011 by Rep. Peter King. We lost our son/daughter in the 40th week of pregnancy and it devastated our family. Every year, more than 25,000 children die of stillbirths and half of those are undiagnosed. The bill would help further stillbirth research to potentially help future parents not suffer the horrible loss that we had to endure. Please help all future parents by co-sponsoring H.R. 1037 and I look forward to your response.

(Your Name)

(Address)

(Phone number)


Please familiarize yourself with the Congressional grassroots instructions and federal stillbirth legislation at http://preventstillbirth.wordpress.com. The site also has a link to find out who represents you in the U.S. Congress and their contact information. Please e-mail Rmayaustin@att.net This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for any assistance.

-taken from the M.I.S.S. Foundation's "Missing Angel Bill" website

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For A Friend

A friend of mine, who has always been supportive in my loss, has lost her baby today. Please say a prayer or two for her. God knows who she is even if you don't. Oh the heartache! Dear friend, I am so so sorry you have joined this awful club. Just remember where your angel is and try to find some comfort in that thought. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

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For Shame

I have always supported PeTA. I think them a bit extreme, but over all they do great things for animals and I very much appreciate that. However, they have recently done something unspeakable. Since it is being blogged about on many, many other blogs I will simply share a link to a post that discusses this unspeakable act. Please visit The R House's post "PETA: People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals But not Infertile People".

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Symptoms Of Grief

Physical
1. Hyperactive or under active
2. Feelings of unreality
3. Physical distress such as chest pains, abdominal pains, headaches, nausea
4. Change in appetite
5. Weight change
6. Fatigue
7. Sleeping problems
8. Restlessness
9. Crying and sighing
10. Feelings of emptiness
11. Shortness of breath
12. Tightness in the throat

Emotional
1. Numbness
2. Sadness
3. Anger
4. Fear
5. Relief
6. Irritability
7. Guilt
8. Loneliness
9. Longing
10. Anxiety
11. Meaninglessness
12. Apathy
13. Vulnerability
14. Abandonment

Social
1. Overly sensitive
2. Dependent
3. Withdrawn
4. Avoid others
5. Lack of initiative
6. Lack of interest

Behavioral
1. Forgetfulness
2. Searching for the deceased
3. Slowed thinking
4. Dreams of the deceased
5. Sense the loved one’s presence
6. Wandering aimlessly
7. Trying not to talk about loss in order to help others feel comfortable around them
8. Needing to retell the story of the loved one’s death

Help through Grief
1. Be patient with yourself. Do not compare yourself to others. Go through mourning at your own pace.
2. Admit you are hurting and go with the pain
3. Apply cold or heat to your body, whichever feels best.
4. Ask for and accept help.
5. Talk to others
6. Face the loss
7. Stop asking “Why?” and ask “What will I do now?”
8. Recognize that a bad day does not mean that all is lost.
9. Rest.
10. Exercise.
11. Keep to a routine.
12. Introduce pleasant changes into your life.
13. Know that you will survive.
14. Take care of something alive, such as a plant or a pet
15. Schedule activities to help yourself get through weekends and holidays.
16. Find someone who needs your help.
17. Accept your feelings as part of the normal grief reaction.
18. Postpone major decisions whenever possible
19. Do something you enjoy doing.
20. Write in a journal.
21. Be around people.
22. Schedule time alone.
23. Do not overdo.
24. Eat regularly.

-taken from Grief Watch

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Technorati

KDBV4MY9SCWF
Just a code that will hopefully help to bring more traffic to the blog.

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Forgive Them For They Know Not What They Say (Or Do)

By Brian Henry

When we lost our daughter Caroline, we gained a world of perspective we never wanted.

Most people lead a life blissfully ignorant of pregnancy loss. Many of our friends and family had no idea what it was like to suffer this type of loss, so it stood to reason that they also had no idea how to react when it entered their lives.

Forgiving the ignorance of others isn't exactly the first thing you do after a loss.

In the days following Caroline's stillbirth, we expected everyone would understand right away what we needed - gentle words, limitless understanding, the ability to listen for hours on end as we cried our way through another difficult evening - and further, that they would instantaneously and successfully deliver the support we needed.

When those expectations weren't met, we were disappointed and angry. Everyone we came in contact with was summarily labeled according to their level of support - there were the rarified few that made it into the "very helpful" category, a few more that were "somewhat helpful" and then the majority who fell into the abyss known as "wow, couldn’t have been less helpful, let's never call that person again."

Only in the years since our loss have we realized our expectations didn’t match reality. We failed to understand what is possible emotionally from people who haven’t had a loss, which made it more difficult for our recovery.

We should expect basic human reactions – "I'm sorry." "How sad." "I'm here to help." - but we found ourselves demanding even more. Only now, after suffering our own loss, meeting others who have suffered losses and educating our friends and family about pregnancy loss, do we truly understand, and forgive.

Forgiveness is a big word for us. We don't ask for it from each other very often, even though we should. And we don't give it out a lot to others, because we feel obligated to hold onto our angry feelings, take every slight, file it in our brain and recall it at a moment's notice.

We felt that if we did forgive, it would allow hurtful words or lack of support - unintentional though it may have been - to shape our view of ourselves and of our loss.

As we went along our own journey of recovery, we came to understand that forgiving people around us for not meeting our expectations (and forgiving ourselves for having those expectations in the first place), actually helped us to better appreciate what our friends and family could, and did, give to us.

It's a lesson we didn’t want to learn, but now that we have, we hope we’re better at forgiving those closest to us and helping others understand how they can better support families who have suffered such a devastating loss.

-taken from nationalshare.blogspot.com



Personally I didn't have much support because of a couple different reasons. One, I didn't want people to know I needed support and two, I am not the type to have close friends and had only a couple friends I'd label as close at the time. One of these friends is someone I worked with. She was more supportive than I could ever have hoped for. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back she was an angel for me when I needed it most. Years later we hardly see each other any more, but she still reads this blog. So, you know who you are. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You were the only one who gave me what I needed when I didn't even know what I needed myself. My own sisters and mother were uncomfortable talking with me, but you were there. I will never forget. You are a big part of my Olivia's story. Thank you P.

Everyone needs something different. What I needed was someone to listen and let me talk and not act uncomfortable. I feel pretty sure there is a certain sis-in-law of mine who also reads this blog who I could have called, but at the time I don't think I felt like I knew her well enough. I wish I would have called because she loves her nieces and nephews more than any other aunt I know and I am sure she was grieving too and could have used an ear to listen. Love you M.

As far as forgiving those who were not supportive, I think that comes with time. For me, like I said, I am not the type to have girlfriends so I did not expect anything from anyone. I expected more support from my sisters and mother than they gave, but now when I think about it I just feel like "whatever". They probably just didn't know how or didn't know what to say. Maybe my expectations were too high. My momma has a picture of our Liv on her table of grandbabies and that is good enough for me now-a-days.

Days Not Months

Well, what I thought would take months only took days. It seemed an insurmountable task to me, but I was pleasantly surprised. The goal was to remove any trace of our last name, my real first name, Olivia's daddy's first name, and any information that'd clue someone into where we live. Since we've had children our family privacy has become more important to us.
If you see any of the information I just mentioned on this blog please let me know. Thanks for your help and thanks for reading Olivia of May. Love to you.