First Due Date Anniversary

If things had gone the way we planned you would be turning one year old some time around today. Learning how to walk. "Momma" and "Daddy"ing. But, it was not meant to be. Still, it's hard not to think about what might have been.

Oh how the absence of your giggles and cries hurts our ears, and our hearts! How we've ever made it through to this far is beyond me. We notice you not being there the most when we're around family. Someone is missing. How wonderful that they all have you for an angel though!

We remember you this time of year, dream about a non-existent present, and know how happy you must be with the view you have from where you are. A visual view and a spiritual view only someone like you can have.

We love you and miss you every single day. We can't wait to hold you in our arms once more.

All We Have To Do

My favorite movies are "The Lord of The Ring" movies. In the first movie Frodo, the hero, gets stuck with the very unfortunate and grueling task of destroying a very evil ring. With tears streaming down his face Frodo says, "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened." Frodo's close friend and mentor, Gandalf, replies, "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." Every time I hear these quotes tears stream down my face. I think, "I wish this pain had never come to me. I wish little Liv would have never died." Gandalf's reply always hits me. "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." For a long while time stood still for me. Yet at the same time it was passing too quickly. These conflicting feelings created a pause in my life where I just stopped. I stumbled around without a reason or cause forgetting things that were once important to me. I am just now starting to "play" again. Slowly I am learning to move on while at the same time carry this, carry her with me. Though Gandalf's words always struck me I am just now beginning to follow them. Sometimes I thought I was following them. I'd have little spurts. It no longer feels like spurts. I am deciding.