Sometimes

"Baby mine don't you cry.
Baby mine dry your eyes.
Rest your head close to my heart,
Never to part, baby of mine."

Sometimes I still grab a blankie, rock in the rocking chair, and cry from missing you. I know you'd be a big girl now, but I bet I'd still rock you every now and then. Sometimes I feel you there with me; not in my arms, but over my shoulder. Thank you.

Tonight

As I sit here tonight, listening to this beautiful music, watching little Liv's slideshow, crying my heart out, I am filled with utter and seemingly endless grief. But I know that's okay. Evey now and then it needs to be so. I will be okay. She will be mine forever. I will see her again one day. But for now someday isn't soon enough. I want it to be today. Tonight. In my arms being rocked. Little three year old curly headed princess. I love you.

I Am a Mother

I am a mother
But like most others
I am a special mother
I held my daughter
Even though only in my womb

I am a mother
Even though my daughter is no longer
At least...not on earth
He lives in heaven
With our sweet Father
Which is far better

I am a mother
Like most others
To an angel...to whom I gave birth

I am a mother
Like most others
Who doesn’t get to throw parties
For those special occasions…like birthdays
Instead, we hold a silent party...in our hearts and heads

I am a mother...unlike some
Who hold their babies in their arms
I am a mother...who holds her daughter
So close to her heart

I am a mother...some beg to differ
I am a mother...though some may not agree
I am a mother
Who’s child is no longer with her
But...I am a mother

I am a mother...who can only dream
Of the day she holds her baby
For the first time in her arms
But never lets her leave her heart

I am a mother
Far from my daughter
But I am a mother…who will never forget
The day she lost her first baby

I am a mother...who dreams
Of a rocking chair in heaven
Where I will someday...hold her close
When she cries or when I kiss her goodnight

I am a mother who…
Instead of holding my daughter’s hand
For the first day of school
Holds onto memories
That will never come true

I am a mother...who visits a cemetery instead of a school
I am a mother...who will never see
What her child will grow to be

I am a mother who cries herself to sleep...sometimes
I am a mother who sometimes rocks herself

I am a mother who gets to wonder what would be
I am a mother who wonders...What would she be?

Most of all...I Am A Mother

-Patricia Hollie

Happy First Birthday Olivia

Thank you to Marie's friend Vickie for creating this graphic as a gift for Olivia.

Today it is snowing while the sun is shining. This weather fits our emotions today.


Thank you to Hubby's friend Becky for the "My First Minnie".

Thank you so much to everyone for the heart-felt emails, card, text, and gifts. It means a lot to know you're thinking of Olivia today, and sending us well wishes.

Before she was born:

After she was born:

Just Once

Just once I wish I could have spent a late hour rocking you in my arms.
Just once I wish I could have gently lain you in your crib.
I wish I could have changed a diaper,
chosen an outfit for the day,
given you a bath,
soothed your skin with lotion.
Just once I wish I could have heard you cry out in loneliness for me.
Spent time alone with you,
Just the two of us,
strolled you proudly through the shopping mall.
Just once I wish I could have heard the words
"What a beautiful, healthy baby girl".
Just once.

-Author Unknown

A Welsh Lullaby

, angHush, my dear one, sleep serenely;
Now my lovely, slumber deep.
Mother rocks you, humming lowly;
Close your eyes now, go to sleep.

Angels hover ever nearer,
Looking on your smiling face.
I will hold you, close enfold you;
Close your eyes now, go to sleep.

Lovely darling, I will guard you,
Keep you from all woe and harm.
Softly, gently, I will rock you,
Resting sweetly on my arm.

May you slumber e'er so softly;
Dream of visions wondrous fair.
I will hold you, close enfold you;
Close your eyes now, go to sleep.

May you slumber e'er so softly;
Dream of visions wondrous fair.
I will hold you, close enfold you;
Close your eyes now, go to sleep.

Baby, go to sleep.



Olivia's daddy sang this at her graveside service.

Tiny Footprints

A Letter to a Lost Grandbaby and Niece

What a song began in our hearts when she first told us about you, a note of excitement bubbling over. We could not help but fall in love just waiting.

We knitted blankets of hopes, dreamed countless adventures, imagined bright sunny days at the park, your first ice cream cone melting down pudgy fists.

Our arms readied themselves, we waited on edge, longing for the day when your first cries would break the air, and we would be there to soothe, to rock, to lullabye to sleep.

We could not be prepared for the next measure-your mother's voice broken, her heart, our hearts together, rubbed sore and raw with the loss of you. Our arms helpless to soothe, to rock away her pain.

Oh little one, what plans we had, what delicious dreams, what joy you brought in your small space. Your tiny footprints carried with us create a new rhythm in our hearts.

by Kimberly de Montbrun

My Night

My night was broken -
Split by the wail of
My baby's phantom cry.
Half asleep I stumbled
To the crib that stared at me.
Empty.

Awake.
Aware now,
I returned to my bed
With empty, aching arms.
I wondered,
As I hugged my pillow close,
And rocked myself to sleep,
If you were all right.
If you were truly crying.
If your cries had somehow traveled to me.
Or if those tears and cries
Were welling up
From a place deep within me
And spilling into my dreams.

-Anonymous