I Am a Mother

I am a mother
But like most others
I am a special mother
I held my daughter
Even though only in my womb

I am a mother
Even though my daughter is no longer
At least...not on earth
He lives in heaven
With our sweet Father
Which is far better

I am a mother
Like most others
To an angel...to whom I gave birth

I am a mother
Like most others
Who doesn’t get to throw parties
For those special occasions…like birthdays
Instead, we hold a silent party...in our hearts and heads

I am a mother...unlike some
Who hold their babies in their arms
I am a mother...who holds her daughter
So close to her heart

I am a mother...some beg to differ
I am a mother...though some may not agree
I am a mother
Who’s child is no longer with her
But...I am a mother

I am a mother...who can only dream
Of the day she holds her baby
For the first time in her arms
But never lets her leave her heart

I am a mother
Far from my daughter
But I am a mother…who will never forget
The day she lost her first baby

I am a mother...who dreams
Of a rocking chair in heaven
Where I will someday...hold her close
When she cries or when I kiss her goodnight

I am a mother who…
Instead of holding my daughter’s hand
For the first day of school
Holds onto memories
That will never come true

I am a mother...who visits a cemetery instead of a school
I am a mother...who will never see
What her child will grow to be

I am a mother who cries herself to sleep...sometimes
I am a mother who sometimes rocks herself

I am a mother who gets to wonder what would be
I am a mother who wonders...What would she be?

Most of all...I Am A Mother

-Patricia Hollie

If Tears Could Build a Stairway

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories a lane,
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you back again.

No farewell words were spoken,
no time to say "Goodbye",
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches with sadness,
and secret tears still flow.
What it meant to love you-
No one can ever know.

But now I know you want me
to mourn for you no more;
To remember all the happy times,
life still has much in store.

Since you'll never be forgotten,
I pledge to you today-
A hollowed place within my heart
is where you'll always stay.

-Unknown

To Live

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."

-Thomas Campbell

An Angel's Kiss

We go through life so often
Not stopping to enjoy the day,
And we take each one for granted
As we travel on our way.

We never stop to measure
Anything we just might miss,
But if the wind should blow by softly
You'll feel an angel's kiss.

A kiss that is sent from heaven;
A kiss from up above;
A kiss that is very special
From someone that you love.

For in your pain and sorrow
An angel's kiss will help you through.
This kiss is very private,
For it is meant for only you.

So when your hearts are heavy,
And filled with tears and pain,
And no one can console you
Remember once again

About the one you grieve for
Because you sadly miss
And the gentle breeze you took for granted
Was just an angel's kiss.

-Peggy Bouse

Your Delight

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

-Kahil Gibran

A Christmas Poem

I believe in Heaven, where Santa does not go,
But instead the tiny angels find their homes below.

They mend our broken hearts.
They wipe away our tears.
They impart their loving tenderness.
They blow away our fears.

As vivid as the magic of Christmas,
With all the sights and sounds,
With twinkle lights and holly,
Their love is all around.

So have hope no matter what you do.
Your little piece of heaven
Will help you through.

Peace.

-Anne Stenebjem

Thank You [Olivia]

[Olivia], you filled me with more love while I carried you than I have known in a lifetime. I cannot begin to describe the joy you brought me.

I want to thank you for each kick and each jab you gave me. Every moment amazed me and warmed my heart. For that I thank you.

At the end of each work day, together we would walk the dog and watch meaningless reality television. It was the best part of my day and for that I thank you.

I wish I could describe the look on your dad's face when we found out you were a girl. You immediately lit up his heart and he lit up the room. I will always remember that moment and for that I thank you.

When people ask me how far along I was or if I knew what I was having, I was so excited to tell them all about you. YES, I would respond, she's a girl... I never felt so proud and for that I thank you.

The moment I saw your face, I fell so deeply in love and in spite of all the sorrow surrounding out circumstance, once I held you in my arms, you brought me absolute peace. For that I thank you.

I don't know why things happened for us the way they did. What I do know is that I am so lucky for every moment I had with my little girl. [Olivia], you are my greatest gift, and now my heart beats for both of us. We love you and miss you every day.

-By Colleen Dempsey, Dedicated to Fallon

Seasons

It's that special time of year for many
Gifts and songs and wonder plenty
Colors bright and life anew
Holiday cheer and friendship true
Yet for some, the pain of sorrow and
Not knowing what will come tomorrow
In the wake of mourning a child's death
Moment by moment they walk the path
Trying to survive grief's grip of wrath
Be gentle with them this time of year
Whom death has crossed, their cries please hear
Hearts are broken 'neath sorrow and tears
Today, tomorrow, and all of their years
Offer them gifts of kindness and amity
As they face each day of boundless calamity
Light a candle, say a prayer for those who mourn
Who cannot rejoice, their lives now torn
Remember their child and honor their pain
Share the burden and help them sustain
This holiday season, the best gifts you can share
Are your heart and your love,
Your solace and care.

-Joanne Cacciatore, PhD

I'll Be There

Remembrance

You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want - smile, open your eyes, love, and go on.

-Author Unknown

Tiny Footprints on a Mother's Heart

When a baby arrives,
be it for a day, a month, a year or more,
or perhaps only a sweet flickering moment-
the fragile spark of a tender soul
the secret swell of a new pregnancy
the goldfish flutter known to only you-
you are unmistakeningly changed...
the tiny footprints left behind on your heart
bespeak your name as Mother.

- Author Unknown

I Am Not A Fetus

I am not a fetus, I am a baby
Perfectly formed, but still.

I am not medical waste of no account,
life’s flotsam and jetsam,
a ganglion of cells,
to be discarded.

I was born with a name,
The product of my parents genes,
Their child. But I came without breath,
And so I am not counted. Or acknowledged

Had I taken a breath or made a whimper,
had a beating heart or moved a limb
I would have been called a baby.

To my mother I am her baby.
It’s how she calls out to me when she cannot sleep,
Pleading, imploring, asking, why.....?

Her love transcends time; our bond of life is not broken,
I was here, flesh of her flesh, blood of her blood,
And I will always be.... Her baby.
Two souls... joined for eternity.

By: Richard Olsen, founder and Executive Director of The National Stillbirth Society

I Am A Mother

I've loved my child right from the start,
A feeling that's filled my entire heart.
I went through the labor and suffered the pain,
For many long hours with nothing to gain.

I've spent sleepless nights being awake,
Though it's been a while my arms they still ache.
I've sat and I've wondered of how she would grow,
The love of my family that she'd come to know.

The sound of her voice as she learns to talk,
Watching her steps as she tries to walk.
I have a child that I really love so,
I am her mother yet nobody knows.

I've spent all these months feeling her grow,
I've lived through it all and have nothing to show.
I don't get invited to chat with young mothers,
Because I don't have a baby like all of the others.

I've got some stretch marks that I'd like to hide,
but I don't have a pram with a baby inside.
The people I've known for so many years,
Avoid me now, which adds to my tears.

I don't know how long I'll be feeling like this,
But one thing I know, my baby I miss.
When Mother's Day comes it will be very hard,
I won't have any flowers, not even a card.

And just because she's not here with me,
I still have a daughter I wish I could see.
But one thing I know and this is for sure,
I'll be her mother forevermore!

-Author Unknown

A Father's Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom do they take his hand,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

-Author Unknown

Angel Child

Dear angel child, we've lost you for a while.
Oh, how I long to hold you near my heart.
It hurts me to have to let you go.
How can it be that we should part?

I could not bear it if I did not know
That one day it will be just as before.
I'll cradle you again within my arms,
And feel the joy of holding you once more.

Yet than will be more beautiful than now-
In that sweet world all free from sin and sorrow.
Where only love and goodness you will know-
When you are mine in that bright tomorrow.

Oh angel child, Celestial child of mine,
I thank the Lord for sending you to me.
I pray that I may live to be found worthy
To be with you throughout eternity,
To be with you through out eternity.


This song was written by Dawn Hughes Ballentyne for the parents of Ashley May Draw, and angel child.

Thanks to Kim for sharing this with us.

Tiny Footprints

A Letter to a Lost Grandbaby and Niece

What a song began in our hearts when she first told us about you, a note of excitement bubbling over. We could not help but fall in love just waiting.

We knitted blankets of hopes, dreamed countless adventures, imagined bright sunny days at the park, your first ice cream cone melting down pudgy fists.

Our arms readied themselves, we waited on edge, longing for the day when your first cries would break the air, and we would be there to soothe, to rock, to lullabye to sleep.

We could not be prepared for the next measure-your mother's voice broken, her heart, our hearts together, rubbed sore and raw with the loss of you. Our arms helpless to soothe, to rock away her pain.

Oh little one, what plans we had, what delicious dreams, what joy you brought in your small space. Your tiny footprints carried with us create a new rhythm in our hearts.

by Kimberly de Montbrun

My Angel's Father

I see you grieve, though no one else does.
I see them pass you by to give me hugs of sympathy.
I know your heart aches, though in a different way than mine.
I know you too miss her terribly.

Before her I thought I knew you.
I saw in you my strength and safety.
Now that she's come and gone I see even more.
You solely comfort me though your heart is breaking.

I've always called you my knight in shining armor.
Now I truly know why.

-Peach

Oh Mother, My Mother

Oh Mother, my mother
I touch your tears,
invisible fingers soothing your skin
I know you think of me so often in the day,
in the night,
in your dreams
going into an empty nursery
knowing I'll never be there
but I am...
in your heart,
in your soul,
I shall always be
for you gave so unselfishly of yourself
Inside of you, you created such a world for me
a world of laughter,
of love of sadness,
of sorrow
every emotion people come to know you shared with me.
And even though I may never feel your arms around me
I felt your heart beating,
like a lullaby,
singing me to sleep
and your spirit giving me a safe haven
already protecting me,
nurturing me
preparing me for things to come
But sometimes the journey of life pulls souls apart
and yes, I had to go on to another place.
I wish I could stay
I wish this was a decision I could make
and I know you do too.
Know this, wherever you are:
I will always remember that yours was the first love
the first joy,
the first soul I will ever know
you gave me the courage to go on in my journey
I hope I can do the same for you
Your heart beat will always call me to you.

Author: Theresa Cochrane

Thank you to the friend who shared this poem with us.

My Child's Name

"The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. Let me hear the beautiful music of her name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."

-Unknown

Our Memorial Day

A million times we needed you,
A million times we cried.
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a place,
No one can ever fill.
A light from our household is gone,
A voice from our future is stilled.
A place in our vacant home,
Which by you won't be filled.
Some may think you are forgotten,
'Cause on earth you are no more.
But in our memory you are with us,
As you ever were before.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone.
A part of us went with you,
The day God called you home.
Your precious memories are keepsakes,
with which we'll never part.
God has you safely in his keeping,
But we have you forever in our hearts.

-Anonymous



"Baby Land" at Olivia's cemetery. Olivia is just right of the middle of the front row.