Another Due Date Day

August 20th was the anniversary of Olivia's due date. We were camping. I didn't get to bring her flowers or balloons, but I thought of her all day long. All day long. I love that baby of mine. I love that little girl, that young woman she would have been, the woman who would have been my best friend in my over-the-hill years. What a beautiful life she would have had, and we would have had with her.

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Summer Memories

You may remember, I joined Faces of Hope's monthly writing challenge (FOHMWC). I missed June. Let me catch up.



I didn't get to make any summer memories with our Livy. The only connection summer and Olivia has is her due date. Her due date was August 20, 2007. On that day, months after she was born still, we held a balloon release at her grave. We invited family and friends. Trissy, Sam, their boys, Stefanie, Stacy, Paula, her little son, and Amanda came. We placed six beautiful pink roses in her vase for the six beautiful months we had with her. We released six pink balloons. Paula and Amanda each brought a balloon too.

Momma and Aunt Mickey did a balloon release in my hometown. Aunt Janis and family did one too with yellow balloons. I felt so grateful.

Every due date we visit her grave. We usually leave a "thinking of you" balloon and release another to find it's way to her.

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If...

If you had been born on your due date, today you would be two.

I Miss You

I miss you every day, but today I am missing you more than usual. I don't know what's different about today. Just wondering what you'd be like. Around two years old. Walking. Talking. Beautiful curly hair and blue eyes. I miss you being here with our family. I wish I could hug you and rock you and kiss you. I MISS you. I miss you! Baby girl I want you here with me, with us. I wish your little brother could grow up with you. I want to be running around after you and wondering how I'm gonna keep keeping up with two. I want to hold you both in my arms and read bedtime stories. My heart hurts. I miss you SO much. What I wouldn't give to have you here, warm, soft, sweet, and precious in my arms. I want to squeeze you and kiss you and tell you how much I love you. I can imagine how it'd be to have you here. I'm day-dreaming about it and it is beautiful. Maybe it's selfish, but I want you here. I am not complete without you. I miss you, miss you, miss you, so so much.

First Due Date Anniversary

If things had gone the way we planned you would be turning one year old some time around today. Learning how to walk. "Momma" and "Daddy"ing. But, it was not meant to be. Still, it's hard not to think about what might have been.

Oh how the absence of your giggles and cries hurts our ears, and our hearts! How we've ever made it through to this far is beyond me. We notice you not being there the most when we're around family. Someone is missing. How wonderful that they all have you for an angel though!

We remember you this time of year, dream about a non-existent present, and know how happy you must be with the view you have from where you are. A visual view and a spiritual view only someone like you can have.

We love you and miss you every single day. We can't wait to hold you in our arms once more.

Olivia's Due Date Balloon Release Pictures

Our balloon release at Olivia's grave:

Aunt Janis' balloon release:

Momma and Minnie's balloon release:

Thank you to those who participated in a balloon release for Olivia. I guess one of my biggest fears is that she will be forgotten. It deeply touches my heart to know when she is remembered. Thank you.

In Memory of Olivia

Today, or some day around today, you should have been a pink little wrinkly squirmer in our arms. Instead you are one of God's angels, and I know you're in His choir. I remember how you'd move when you heard me sing, or when Daddy'd turn the music up really loud. What a joy you were to us. Our little girl we had waited so long for. We wanted you before we even found each other. I know you helped us find each other. Our tiny daughter. How beautiful you were lying there in our hands. Still and silent. It was like finally being able to see and hold the wind. Our baby girl. How beautifully sad the day was that you were born. Had things been the way we planned, today, or some day around today, would be your birthday. Your nursery would be filled with your cries. Oh, to hear you cry! Your crib would be warm with your heat. My breasts would not have had milk in vain. My arms would not ache. Our loved-ones would be glad to see pictures of you. But, it was not meant to be. Your body was never meant to walk this earth, but you have tread all over our hearts. Today Daddy and I wear pins over our hearts. Pins of a heart, with tiny feet within, to show that you were here. To show that though I no longer carry you in my belly, I will always carry you in my heart. You are real, and though others may, I will never forget you. My baby. My darling. My daughter.

Due Date Balloon Release

We are planning a balloon release at Livy's grave on her due date, August 20th. EVERYONE is invited, but we don't expect for you to come. It's nothing formal. Just a little way for us to remember her. We also thought it might be nice for those who were not able to attend the funeral. You can bring a balloon, or not. Nothing is expected. However, if you do bring a balloon please do not bring a metallic-looking mylar one as they do not biodegrade. We will be there at 7:00 PM. There will not be a ceremony or anything, just a moment of silence when you can think or pray, then the balloon release. Please do not feel like you need to come from out-of-town, but you can if you wish. Either way is honestly fine with us. IF YOU KNOW OF ANYONE WHO MIGHT LIKE TO BE THERE PLEASE INVITE THEM FOR US.

Also, thought I'd mention that we have friends and family who live out of state who are releasing balloons for Olivia where they live at the same time we are. If you'd like to do that, that'd be wonderful. If you happen to get a picture, we'll post it here on her memorial blog.