22 August 2007

Brighten the Heavens

Sorrow is great at the loss of our child,
in parting with one that we love,
That parting was made, that our child might go,
And brighten the heavens above.


21 August 2007

Olivia's Due Date Balloon Release Pictures

Our balloon release at Olivia's grave:

Aunt Janis' balloon release:

Momma and Minnie's balloon release:

Thank you to those who participated in a balloon release for Olivia. I guess one of my biggest fears is that she will be forgotten. It deeply touches my heart to know when she is remembered. Thank you.

20 August 2007

In Memory of Olivia

Today, or some day around today, you should have been a pink little wrinkly squirmer in our arms. Instead you are one of God's angels, and I know you're in His choir. I remember how you'd move when you heard me sing, or when Daddy'd turn the music up really loud. What a joy you were to us. Our little girl we had waited so long for. We wanted you before we even found each other. I know you helped us find each other. Our tiny daughter. How beautiful you were lying there in our hands. Still and silent. It was like finally being able to see and hold the wind. Our baby girl. How beautifully sad the day was that you were born. Had things been the way we planned, today, or some day around today, would be your birthday. Your nursery would be filled with your cries. Oh, to hear you cry! Your crib would be warm with your heat. My breasts would not have had milk in vain. My arms would not ache. Our loved-ones would be glad to see pictures of you. But, it was not meant to be. Your body was never meant to walk this earth, but you have tread all over our hearts. Today Daddy and I wear pins over our hearts. Pins of a heart, with tiny feet within, to show that you were here. To show that though I no longer carry you in my belly, I will always carry you in my heart. You are real, and though others may, I will never forget you. My baby. My darling. My daughter.


You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want - smile, open your eyes, love, and go on.

-Author Unknown

19 August 2007

Due Date Balloon Release

We are planning a balloon release at Livy's grave on her due date, August 20th. EVERYONE is invited, but we don't expect for you to come. It's nothing formal. Just a little way for us to remember her. We also thought it might be nice for those who were not able to attend the funeral. You can bring a balloon, or not. Nothing is expected. However, if you do bring a balloon please do not bring a metallic-looking mylar one as they do not biodegrade. We will be there at 7:00 PM. There will not be a ceremony or anything, just a moment of silence when you can think or pray, then the balloon release. Please do not feel like you need to come from out-of-town, but you can if you wish. Either way is honestly fine with us. IF YOU KNOW OF ANYONE WHO MIGHT LIKE TO BE THERE PLEASE INVITE THEM FOR US.

Also, thought I'd mention that we have friends and family who live out of state who are releasing balloons for Olivia where they live at the same time we are. If you'd like to do that, that'd be wonderful. If you happen to get a picture, we'll post it here on her memorial blog.

15 August 2007

Sadness and Hope

"I can promise you that you will not forget , though the world will move on - maybe without you - for a quiet space anyways- and that sometimes you need to sit with sadness as your friend, to invite her in for tea so that she may tend your suffering - that you should embrace her, welcome her, and listen to her wisdom, for she cannot leave your door until you do..."

- Unknown

"There are times when there are too few words left to heal us, when what we wish for is to be carried, when all we have left is the hope that tomorrow will be a more gentle place to land than today."


Tiny Footprints on a Mother's Heart

When a baby arrives,
be it for a day, a month, a year or more,
or perhaps only a sweet flickering moment-
the fragile spark of a tender soul
the secret swell of a new pregnancy
the goldfish flutter known to only you-
you are unmistakeningly changed...
the tiny footprints left behind on your heart
bespeak your name as Mother.

- Author Unknown

Amazing Scrapbook by Kim

My sis-in-law Kim created an amazing scrapbook with all our pictures of Olivia, starting from the positive prego test all the way to the funeral. There are belly pics, ultrasound pics, baby shower pics, and more. It's absolutely gorgeous. It's obvious how much work was put in to it, and we are so appreciative. She has a wonderful talent.

Having all of Olivia's pictures in one place, and in such a beautiful memory book makes all the difference in the world. I love to look through it and remember how happy having a daughter makes me, and remember the times we shared. I am also so glad to have it to share with our future children. If you'd like, next time you're visiting you should have a look. It really is a treasure. Thank you, Kim.

12 August 2007

Just Those Few Weeks

For those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems to short a time
to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks
I came to know you
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.

Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks
When I lost you.
I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks.
It wasn't enough to convince others
How special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and so few are mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks
And no "normal" person would cry all night
over a tiny, unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.

No one would, so why do I?
You were those few weeks my little one
you darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

-Susan Erling

11 August 2007

I Am Not A Fetus

I am not a fetus, I am a baby
Perfectly formed, but still.

I am not medical waste of no account,
life’s flotsam and jetsam,
a ganglion of cells,
to be discarded.

I was born with a name,
The product of my parents genes,
Their child. But I came without breath,
And so I am not counted. Or acknowledged

Had I taken a breath or made a whimper,
had a beating heart or moved a limb
I would have been called a baby.

To my mother I am her baby.
It’s how she calls out to me when she cannot sleep,
Pleading, imploring, asking, why.....?

Her love transcends time; our bond of life is not broken,
I was here, flesh of her flesh, blood of her blood,
And I will always be.... Her baby.
Two souls... joined for eternity.

By: Richard Olsen, founder and Executive Director of The National Stillbirth Society

I Am A Mother

I've loved my child right from the start,
A feeling that's filled my entire heart.
I went through the labor and suffered the pain,
For many long hours with nothing to gain.

I've spent sleepless nights being awake,
Though it's been a while my arms they still ache.
I've sat and I've wondered of how she would grow,
The love of my family that she'd come to know.

The sound of her voice as she learns to talk,
Watching her steps as she tries to walk.
I have a child that I really love so,
I am her mother yet nobody knows.

I've spent all these months feeling her grow,
I've lived through it all and have nothing to show.
I don't get invited to chat with young mothers,
Because I don't have a baby like all of the others.

I've got some stretch marks that I'd like to hide,
but I don't have a pram with a baby inside.
The people I've known for so many years,
Avoid me now, which adds to my tears.

I don't know how long I'll be feeling like this,
But one thing I know, my baby I miss.
When Mother's Day comes it will be very hard,
I won't have any flowers, not even a card.

And just because she's not here with me,
I still have a daughter I wish I could see.
But one thing I know and this is for sure,
I'll be her mother forevermore!

-Author Unknown

A Father's Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom do they take his hand,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

-Author Unknown

Lead, Kindly Light

Lead, kindly Light, amid th' encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene - one step enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou
Shouldst lead me on.
I loved to choose and see my path; but now
Lead thou me on!
I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,
Pride ruled my will. Remember not past years.

So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till
The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!

Hubby's Dad used this hymn in his talk at Livy's graveside service.

Angel Child

Dear angel child, we've lost you for a while.
Oh, how I long to hold you near my heart.
It hurts me to have to let you go.
How can it be that we should part?

I could not bear it if I did not know
That one day it will be just as before.
I'll cradle you again within my arms,
And feel the joy of holding you once more.

Yet than will be more beautiful than now-
In that sweet world all free from sin and sorrow.
Where only love and goodness you will know-
When you are mine in that bright tomorrow.

Oh angel child, Celestial child of mine,
I thank the Lord for sending you to me.
I pray that I may live to be found worthy
To be with you throughout eternity,
To be with you through out eternity.

This song was written by Dawn Hughes Ballentyne for the parents of Ashley May Draw, and angel child.

Thanks to Kim for sharing this with us.

To the Child in My Heart

O precious, tiny, sweet, little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and of your life
And all that it would be.
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.

We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.

I'll always be your mother.
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had had.

But now you're gone... but yet you're here.
We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There's love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We'll forget you never-
The child we had, but never had,
And yet we'll have forever.


A Welsh Lullaby

, angHush, my dear one, sleep serenely;
Now my lovely, slumber deep.
Mother rocks you, humming lowly;
Close your eyes now, go to sleep.

Angels hover ever nearer,
Looking on your smiling face.
I will hold you, close enfold you;
Close your eyes now, go to sleep.

Lovely darling, I will guard you,
Keep you from all woe and harm.
Softly, gently, I will rock you,
Resting sweetly on my arm.

May you slumber e'er so softly;
Dream of visions wondrous fair.
I will hold you, close enfold you;
Close your eyes now, go to sleep.

May you slumber e'er so softly;
Dream of visions wondrous fair.
I will hold you, close enfold you;
Close your eyes now, go to sleep.

Baby, go to sleep.

Olivia's daddy sang this at her graveside service.

"Livy's Mark"

This is what we call "Livy's mark". It's the only stretch mark I got from being pregnant with Olivia. It is precious and special to me.

We're Pregnant!

Here's the story of when we found out we were pregnant with Olivia, and how we told our family:

Hubby and I had the day off of work for a fertility appointment. We figured we'd take a prego testo before we went just in case. Well, after almost 9 months of taking the tests we didn't expect to get anything other than a negative. It was positive immediately. I couldn't believe it. My eyes got huge, and my jaw dropped. I just stood there for a minute. I picked it up and tried to take it to Hubby a few times, but kept turning around, putting it in the light, and staring at it. After not hearing anything from me for a couple minutes Hubby hollered, "What does it say?", or something like that. I said, "Well, tell me what you think.", and took it to him. He saw my hand shaking when I handed the test to him and got an excited look on his face. He looked at it, then looked at me with the biggest smile. "We're pregnant! We're pregnant! Oh, my gosh!" was said a lot. Big hugs and kisses. We went out and bought a baby book that evening.
We wanted to wait until Christmas to tell anyone about it. It was our year to go to my hometown. We pasted pictures of the positive test in Christmas cards. We took one back home and taped one to Hubby's parent's Christmas gift. After my Momma and Grandma picked us up at the airport we went out to eat. Before we ate I handed Momma the card. She opened it, but she and Grandma couldn't make out what the picture was. At first she said, "What is it, a nail file?" I told her to turn it sideways and then she saw it. She yelled "You're pregnant? You're pregnant?" so loud that the whole restaurant knew. Big hugs and kisses. We had planned for Hubby's Dad to open his and Mom's card at the Christmas get-together with the family even though we weren't able to be there. He did, couldn't make out what the picture was, and put the card aside. Someone asked him what it said. He picked it up again, looked at it, and though it was maybe a nail file. The whole while Hubby was on the phone with one of his sisters. Hubby told his sister to tell Dad to hand the card to a girl. He did, and then everyone knew. Lots of congrats over the phone.

03 August 2007

A Free Way to Help Support Cord Accident Research

Click here to read about a free way to help support cord accident research: I GIVE. Thank you.

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