Men Do Cry

by Ken Falk

I heard quite often "men don't cry"
though no one ever told me why.
So when I fell and skinned a knee
no one came by to comfort me.

And when some bully boy at school
would pull a prank so mean and cruel
I'd quickly learn to turn and quip
"It doesn't hurt" and bite my lip.

So as I grew to reasoned years
I learned to stifle and tears.
Though "Be a big boy" it began
quite soon I learned to "Be a man".

And I could play that stoic role
while storm and tempest wracked my soul.
No pain or setback could there be
could wrest one single tear from me.

Then one long night I stood nearby
and helplessly watched my baby die.
And quickly found, to my surprise,
that all that tearless talk was lies.

And still I cry, and have no shame.
I cannot play that "big boy" game.
And openly, without remorse,
I let my sorrow take its course.

So those of you who can't abide
a man you've seen who's often cried,
reach out to him with all your heart
as one whose life's been torn apart.

For men DO cry when they can see
their loss of immortality.
And tears will come in endless streams
when mindless fate destroys their dreams.

Another Birthday

His and Hers

They both feel helpless.
But they each seek their own roles.
They have to find a way to cope.
To soothe their shattered souls.
He wants to take away her pain,
And make her feel safe once more.
She wants to share her tears with him,
Bare herself to the core.
He wants to make it better,
And he wants to be assured
That everything will be okay
That their love has endured.
She wants to talk some more
About their child who died.
He thinks that he's
Done something wrong,
And that is why she sighed.
She's crying once again,
And won't get out of bed.
He sees her journal perched atop
All those books she's read.
She sees him start a new project,
Go to work and watch TV.
She wonders how he does it.
How he has the energy.
But sometimes there's a moment,
When they're both on the same plane.
Sometimes, just for a moment,
Their grief seems just the same.
It's those small-shared moments
That they need so very much.
That they find each other reaching,
That they find each others touch.

-Gwen Flowers

A "Still" Father

My child is gone
I hardly remember
Her coming
A moment in time
That was both
The longest
And shortest
Of my life.
Anticipation
Devastation
And now
Reclamation
Putting the pieces
Of my soul
In semblance
Of order.
Time to go on
Time to get on
With life
With love
With a hole
In my heart
But with joy
For that moment.
I am her father
A blessed gift
Through whom I have learned
I can love
Deeply
That which I cannot hold
Except in my heart
Knowing I am forever her father.

by Richard Olsen, founder and Executive Director of The National Stillbirth Society

New Year Wishes for Bereaved Parents

To the newly bereaved: We wish you patience - patience with yourselves in the painful weeks, months, even years ahead.

To the bereaved sibling: We wish you and your parents a new understanding of each others needs and the beginnings of good communication.

To those who are single parents: We wish you the inner resources we know you will need to cope, often alone with your loss.

To those experiencing marital difficulties after the death of your child: We wish you a special willingness and ability to communicate with each other.

To those of you who have experienced the death of more than one child: We wish you the endurance you will need to fight your way back to a meaningful life once again.

To those of you who have experienced the death of an only child or all of your children: We offer you our eternal gratitude for serving as such inspiration to the rest of us.

To those of you who are plagued with guilt: We wish you the reassurances that you did the very best you could under the circumstances, and that your child knew that.

To those of you who are deeply depressed: We wish you the first steps out of the "Valley of the Shadow".

To all fathers and those of you unable to cry: We wish you healing tears and the ability to express your grief.

To those of you who are exhausted from grieving: We wish you the strength to face just one more hour, just one more day.

To all others with special needs we have not mentioned: We wish you the understanding you need and the assurance that you are loved.

-from a speech by former TCF President, Joe Rousseau

Dear Daddy

Don't cry for me, Daddy,
I am right here.
Although you can't see me,
I see your tears.
I visit you often.
I go to work with you each day,
And when it's time to close your eyes
On your pillow's where I lay.
I hold your hand and stoke your hair,
And whisper in your ear.
If you're sad today, Daddy,
Remember I am here.
You will always be my daddy
Even though I'm not here with you.
I'm Daddy's little girl.
We will never be apart-
For every time you think of me
Please know I'm in your heart.
I love you, Daddy!
Your baby girl.

-Author Unknown

A Childless Father

A childless father sits silent
His still baby in his mind
His grief looked down upon
Didn’t he suffer a great loss?

A childless father fell to his knees
He screams to God in anger
He was shaken to his core
Didn’t his child deserve to live?

A childless father is strong and tall
Let him be helpless by his wife
Let him grieve so that his heart heals
Didn’t he suffer a great loss?

A childless father needs support
He is angry and sad because of his pain
He lost his child and the dreams of that life
Didn’t his child deserve to live?

-Tara Luning

My Little Girl

I met you last year, and the time we spent together was brief
You may not know this, but at first glance I knew you were sweet.

I held you in my arms and I saw your whole life pass by in a glance
I saw your first day of school, and your first high school dance.

I saw your first baby steps and the first tooth that came in
I heard the first time you said "Da-da," and saw the first time I let you win.

I saw your first walk to school, on your first day of class.
I could picture me saying how I thought time was going by too fast...

I saw from your very first Christmas, and your first Easter egg hunt.
To the very first Halloween costume that you really did want.

I imagined reading you books as you fell fast asleep for the night
And I would give you advice as you went through the pitfalls of life.

I could see your first boyfriend, through giving you away at the altar.
Now, you can guess that the man holding you in his arms was your father.

You may not have been able to see me but I know you felt my love.
I know you felt my kisses and all my gentle hugs.

You will forever be with me, no matter where I am in this world.
My name is [___], but call me "Daddy," and you will always be my little girl.

-Dennis Sparrow

The Butterfly

He had her there, resting on the palm of his hand for a while.
She was all he ever wanted.
Sometimes her wings were closed.
Motionless.
At other times, she spread her wings open in the bright sunshine,
Displaying her colorful patterns.
But he couldn't keep her.
He knew that.
She was born to fly.
She had been beautiful in his hand, but in flight she soared.
In the garden amongst the colorful, sweet-fragranced flowers.
Her habitat.
Free.
In letting her go, he made her happy.
But she was always to remember his warmth and his love.
Always and forever.
For all eternity.

-Roberta Adams

I'll Be There

A Father's Grief

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry"
and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's all right
And what she's going through.
But seldom do they take his hand,
"My friend, but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But "stays strong" for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

-Author Unknown

My Angel's Father

I see you grieve, though no one else does.
I see them pass you by to give me hugs of sympathy.
I know your heart aches, though in a different way than mine.
I know you too miss her terribly.

Before her I thought I knew you.
I saw in you my strength and safety.
Now that she's come and gone I see even more.
You solely comfort me though your heart is breaking.

I've always called you my knight in shining armor.
Now I truly know why.

-Peach

Father's Day

"Some people only dream of angels. I held one in my arms." -Anon

One of the things Hubby got for Father's Day is a pin/tie tack of a heart with tiny footprints in it. He wore it on his tie to church. It turned out to be extra special because all the father's had ties decorated by their children, and Hubby got to wear one kinda decorated in memory of his child.