22 June 2007

Who did she look like?

Well, there is a free service by Hollywood Foto where they will make a picture of your stillborn baby look more life-like. They study the picture and edit it according to what she would have looked like if she were alive. We just got ours back yesterday, and I gotta say that she looks like Hubby. She has the same cheeks Hubby and his dad have. I think she also has his nose. You can't tell in the edited picture, but she has my lips. Hubby and I have similar eye structure, foreheads, and chins, so she had those the same as us. I think she has Hubby's hands and toes. She has long thighs and arms like me. What a pretty little thing!

19 June 2007


Someday, when I'm old,
and someone asks if I'm looking forward to heaven,
I'll say I'm eager to see my Father,
but there's someone else I want to see too.
I'll say
it's been forty or fifty years since I've seen her,
and the time we spent together was all too brief -
an hour or two,
that's all -
and she was so tiny and frail.
I spent that time trying to memorize her.
I never had a chance to find out who she was
or what she was like -
what she could have done,
what she could have been,
but she was my child,
flesh of my flesh,
my own,
and I love her
with limitless love.
My other children grew up
and grew older with me,
but this one -
the one I'm longing to see -
stayed the same through the years;
her face fixed in my memory
like a faded snapshot,
its corners worn
from too much handling.
Through the years,
the good and bad times,
I've dreamed of that distant reunion
and imagined the moment
I could look her in the eyes
and say,
your momma's missed you,
but we'll never be apart again.

-Author Unknown

17 June 2007

Father's Day

"Some people only dream of angels. I held one in my arms." -Anon

One of the things Hubby got for Father's Day is a pin/tie tack of a heart with tiny footprints in it. He wore it on his tie to church. It turned out to be extra special because all the father's had ties decorated by their children, and Hubby got to wear one kinda decorated in memory of his child.

14 June 2007

Olivia's Headstone

Olivia's headstone is finished and placed. We were surprised one day, and thrown off a little. It turned out exactly like we hoped it would. You can't really tell in the picture, but the headstone and the vase are shades of pink.

05 June 2007

Lost Babies will be Resurrected

There is a book called Gone Too Soon, by Sherri Devashrayee Wittwer, sold at Deseret Book. I would like to share a few excerpts from it.

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"Perhaps the most interesting statement regarding stillborn children is from Bruce R. McConkie in Mormon Doctrine. Elder McConkie states that the issues regarding these babies are

not clearly answered in the revelation so far available for the guidance of the saints in this dispensation. No doubt such things were plainly set forth in those past dispensations when more of the doctrines of salvation were known and taught than have been revealed so far to us.

That masterful document on the origin of man by the First Presidency of the Church (Joseph F. Smith, John Winder, and Anthon H. Lund) appears to bear out the concept that the eternal spirit enters the body prior to a normal birth, and therefore that stillborn children will be resurrected. It states: 'The body of man enters upon its career as a tiny germ or embryo, which becomes an infant, quickened at a certain stage by the spirit whose tabernacle it is, and the child, after being born, develops into a man.'... This interpretation is in harmony with the general knowledge we have of the mercy and justice of that Infinite Being in whose divine economy nothing is ever lost. It would appear that we can look forward with hope and anticipation for the resurrection of stillborn children.

President Brigham Young taught that 'when the mother feels life come to her infant, it is the spirit entering the body prepartory to the immortal existence'; and President Joseph Fielding Smith gave it as his opinion 'that these little ones will receive a resurrection and then belong to us.'

"These statements can be particularly comforting to couples who have lost a baby, even in early pregnancy. Because of medical technology, we know the unborn baby moves and kicks very early in pregnancy [5-6 weeks], long before the woman can feel it. Brigham Young indicated that the baby's movements were a manifestation that the spirit had entered the baby's body. If this is so, then it would appear that even the tiniest of babies would be eligible for the resurrection."

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"As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we look with awe and wonder at the faith of the young Joseph Smith as his fervent prayer was answered and he spoke to God the Father and Jesus Christ. While visions and visitations may not be Heavenly Father's typical response to our prayers, we are told that we can receive answers, even personal revelations, if we ask. The well-known scripture which inspired Joseph Smith to pray counsels, 'If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering' (James 1:5-6).

"After we have come to an understanding of our Heavenly Father and his plan for us, and have learned to develop pure faith and trust in God while keeping his commandments, we may seek answers from him regarding the losses we face - answers that perhaps only the Spirit can reveal. While the scriptures may not deal explicitly with our lost infants and the meaning of their lives, we are assured that whatever we ask in faith will be given. We are counseled to 'hearken unto [him], and open your ears that ye may hear, and your hearts that ye may understand, and your minds that the mysteries of God may be unfolded to your view' (Mosiah 2:9). The Lord further promises that 'whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you' (Moroni 7:26)."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"To lose a baby is surely one of the cruelest events in nature. The bond between parent and child, even yet unborn, can be one of the most profound and intimate bonds ever experienced. Losing a baby can produce a devastation so deep and so complete that many wonder if rebounding from such an experience is even possible. But the Lord had told us to 'Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days' (D&C 24:8).

"Patience is not an easy thing to have during a crisis; but if we can concentrate on the love of God, allow ourselves to depend on his strength, and dedicate our lives to him, perhaps we can overcome the pain and say with the prophet Ammon, 'Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of God, for in his strength I can do all things' (Alma 26:12).

"By studying the scriptures and the writings of prophets and other Church leaders, a convincing arguement can be made that our lost babies will be resurrected."

04 June 2007

A Poem of Faith

For almost nine months we waited for you...
Dreaming, and planning and shopping, too.

We looked forward to that special day
When we could bundle you up and carry you away.

But we had to say goodbye before saying hello-
Letting go of our dreams of watching you grow.

We had never felt such pure love and grace
As we held you in our arms and kissed your sweet face.

Then somehow through the pain and tears
Your spirit came and calmed our fears.

Now in your arms you'll carry us through
Until that beautiful day when we again hold you.

We will feel such joy as we look in your eyes,
That love and laughter will replace our cries.

And together we'll kneel at Our Savior's feet,
Knowing at last that our family's complete.

-Author Unknown

Peace at last!

For the past week or so I have been searching and studying any and all church leaders talks and comments on miscarriages, stillborns, and infant deaths. I have pondered and prayed over what I have learned. I have wanted to share it with you. Since a visit to the temple this past Saturday I know I have all I need to be able to share. So, here goes...

I have learned, from church leader's talks and comments, that our spirits may not be at the same maturity as our bodies. For example, an adult spirit may posses a child's body or vice versa. It all depends on how far the spirit progressed/aged in the preexistence. I learned this, and shared it with Hubby hours before we took a visit to the temple. Learning this at that time was a blessing for us both.

I have learned, also from church leader's talks and comments, that God's love means that he has to do what's best for ALL his children, and that "ALL" includes his children in the preexistence, here, and in the next life. We cannot see all the worlds. Only He knows what is truly best. Olivia was needed elsewhere, or her leaving helped us to return to her, or any other number of reason's we cannot see here in this world. I like to think of our Livy as helping our family members who have passed before her to learn of the Plan of Salvation. Learning this has brought me peace at last!

I hope me sharing what I have learned has given you the same peace and comfort it gave to me. I share this in the greatest of sincerity.

02 June 2007

Joseph Smith Quote

"The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, & the sorrows & evils of this present world. They were too pure, too lovely, to live on this earth. Therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, & we shall soon have them again."

-Joseph Smith

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