Without

They say there is a reason.
They say that time will heal,
But neither time nor season
Will change the way I feel.
For no one knows the heartache
That lies behind our smiles.
No one knows how many times
We have broken down and cried.
We want to tell you something
So there won't be any doubt.
You're so wonderful to think of,
but so hard to be without.

-Unknown

Be Still My Soul

Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side.
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide,
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul, thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake.
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul, the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul, the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul, when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Should / Would Be

Getting together with family this past weekend was wonderful, but a little tough at the same time. We all know Olivia should have been there crawling around. Seeing the two youngest grandkids play together was the toughest knowing there was someone missing who would be right in between them in age. It's a weird feeling. She's there in the back of my mind. Sometimes I thought I saw a glimpse of her in amongst the other kids. But it didn't make me cry. It made me smile. My daughter who I am so very proud of. It would just be nice if I could brag on her like other moms do. What a valiant little spirit she is. I know she comes to visit. Instead of making me feel sadness from her absence it made me happy for her presence. What a gift she is.

I don't mention this to make others feel they have to do something about it. No need to tiptoe. This is something we will carry for the rest of our lives. Nothing to do about it. Life goes on and time heals though scars remain. We are just still learning how to live with the scars.

Some days are very hard for me, yes, but this was different. It is sad she wasn't there in body, but I know she is where she is meant to be. I am glad to be reminded of her. Even if it's of her absence. I know where she fits in, and she does too. Someday that little piece of the puzzle will be put in it's place and what a beautiful picture we'll have.

My good sweet girl. Momma IS proud of you, and loves to think of you. How wonderful to have felt peace in the obvious presence of your absence.