08 July 2008

Should / Would Be

Getting together with family this past weekend was wonderful, but a little tough at the same time. We all know Olivia should have been there crawling around. Seeing the two youngest grandkids play together was the toughest knowing there was someone missing who would be right in between them in age. It's a weird feeling. She's there in the back of my mind. Sometimes I thought I saw a glimpse of her in amongst the other kids. But it didn't make me cry. It made me smile. My daughter who I am so very proud of. It would just be nice if I could brag on her like other moms do. What a valiant little spirit she is. I know she comes to visit. Instead of making me feel sadness from her absence it made me happy for her presence. What a gift she is.

I don't mention this to make others feel they have to do something about it. No need to tiptoe. This is something we will carry for the rest of our lives. Nothing to do about it. Life goes on and time heals though scars remain. We are just still learning how to live with the scars.

Some days are very hard for me, yes, but this was different. It is sad she wasn't there in body, but I know she is where she is meant to be. I am glad to be reminded of her. Even if it's of her absence. I know where she fits in, and she does too. Someday that little piece of the puzzle will be put in it's place and what a beautiful picture we'll have.

My good sweet girl. Momma IS proud of you, and loves to think of you. How wonderful to have felt peace in the obvious presence of your absence.

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