Little Living Liv

3/22/07, 18 weeks 3 days

This was the last time we saw Olivia living and breathing (yes babies this old "breathe" in the womb). A week or so later was the last time we heard her heartbeat. We are so thankful we have recorded it, and had this extra ultrasound done.

Spring

I don't know what it is, but spring brings sorrow to my heart this year. Is it that new life is springing up all around me? Is it that winter is gone and the world no longer matches my feelings? Is it that I am missing buying an Easter dress for my daughter, like we were looking forward to doing when we found out she was a girl?

Thankfully spring also brings a reminder of the atonement, the plan of salvation, and the gift of eternal families. Reminding myself of these things helps me get through the hard times. Though I don't show it as I should, I am thankful for the undying love of our Father in heaven.

The Shopping Trip

As I peruse the aisles,
of the local store,
I see things more differently,
than I ever have before.

"Daddy's Little Angel",
the embroidered bibs do read.
But Daddy's angel is in Heaven,
and bibs she does not need.

She does not need a bottle,
a dress or a toy.
Of buying those things for her,
we shall never know the joy.

There are tiny jars of baby food,
that she will never eat,
And shiny shoes with buckles,
that will never touch her feet.

As the bikes and trikes taunt me,
from high up on the rack,
Tears will break free from my eyes,
if I dare look back.

I run off to the restroom,
to blow my nose and cry.
I wipe my eyes, swallow hard,
and let out a sigh.

I must go face the paper,
college and wide rule,
That my little angel,
will never use in school.

I hurry past the greeting cards,
that the people chose with care,
And I am reminded,
of the holidays we shall not share.

In the checkout line I bow my head,
and heavy is my heart,
For the family right in front of me,
has a newborn in their cart.

Shopping in the local store,
used to be mundane.
Now every aisle's full of items,
which remind me of my pain.

So, quick as I can, I give the cashier,
the money from my purse,
And hurry away from those who don't know my pain,
in this foreignly happy universe.

by Linda Vicory

Livy Bump

March 8, 2007

Stars

"Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost loved ones pour through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."

-Unknown

Little Princess?

Today we went to a ballet of Cinderella. It was the first time going to a ballet for both of us. It was beautiful. Adding to it's beauty were about a hundred little girls in the audience all dressed up in there prettiest dresses with curls in their hair and crowns on their heads. Some were even wearing princess costumes. It was daddy-daughter night and the daddy-daughter couples looked their best for their special evening out together. We couldn't help but think of you, Olivia, and wonder if you'd be a little princess or a tomboy. Of course we think of you as a pretty little princess angel, but that very well may not be the case. We hope you dropped in on us tonight and heard us talking about you during intermission. We wonder if you'd've let Mommy take you to ballet classes or if you'd've let Daddy take you to theater classes, or if you'd rather play basketball and softball. You were in our thoughts tonight, and we hope you know how much you're loved.

Valentine's Day

The First Time We Saw You

The first time we saw you was a year ago today. You were so tiny on that ultrasound screen. It was love at first sight. You waved at us and our eyes teared. It was finally happening to our family. No, we didn't have to wait very long, only nine months, but it seemed like forever. But no more. There you were - happy and healthy, and saying hello. I wonder if you knew then that you would be here for only a short time. No matter. Today you are once again happy and healthy, and though we can't see you, we know you're still waving at us.



11 weeks 4 days

An Angel's Kiss

We go through life so often
Not stopping to enjoy the day,
And we take each one for granted
As we travel on our way.

We never stop to measure
Anything we just might miss,
But if the wind should blow by softly
You'll feel an angel's kiss.

A kiss that is sent from heaven;
A kiss from up above;
A kiss that is very special
From someone that you love.

For in your pain and sorrow
An angel's kiss will help you through.
This kiss is very private,
For it is meant for only you.

So when your hearts are heavy,
And filled with tears and pain,
And no one can console you
Remember once again

About the one you grieve for
Because you sadly miss
And the gentle breeze you took for granted
Was just an angel's kiss.

-Peggy Bouse

Your Delight

"When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight."

-Kahil Gibran