Joseph F. Smith Quote

In the book, The Life Beyond, President Joseph F. Smith said this, "Joseph Smith declared that the mother who laid down her little child, being deprived of the privilege, the joy, and the satisfaction of bringing it up to manhood or womanhood in this world, would after the resurrection, have all the joy, satisfaction and pleasure, and even more than it would have been possible to have had in mortality, in seeing her child grow to the measure of the stature of its spirit. If this be true, and I believe it, what a consolation it is...It matters not whether these tabernacles mature in this world, or have to wait and mature in the world to come, according to the word of the Prophet Joseph Smith, the body will develop, either in time or in eternity, to the full stature of the spirit, and when the mother is deprived of the pleasure and joy of rearing her babe to manhood or womanhood in this life, through the hand of death, that privilege will be renewed to her hereafter, and she will enjoy it to a fuller fruition than it would be possible for her to do here. When she does it there, it will be with certain knowledge that the results will be without failure; whereas here, the results are unknown until after we have passed the test."

Trial Number Five

Carefully thy laid
Put on the table
Trials one, two, three,
Four, five, and six.

"Choose one," they said.

"Oh, any," she cried, with a horror
Born of the best of Halloweens,
"Any but number five.
It would kill me.
I promise you, I would not survive."

They thanked her graciously,
Escorted her out,
Then gift-wrapped, addressed,
And labeled "Special Delivery"
Trial number five-

Sent with love from
Those whose assignment it is
To make sure you know
That you can go
Through trials one, two,
Three, four, ninety-nine,
Or five-
And incredibly,
Come out alive.

-Carol Lynn Pearson

Self Image

I don’t exactly blame myself.
I don’t exactly feel less of a woman and
I’m not exactly ashamed of my body.
But wheeling her in the carriage in the park
Or carrying her in a blanket in my arms
Or nursing her in front of my friends
Would have made me feel proud.
It isn’t shame I feel.
It the absence of pride.

Marion Cohen

Mother Theresa Quote

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much".

A Child of Mine

"I'll lend you for a little while
A child of mine", He said .
"For you to love while she lives
And to mourn for when she's dead.

"It may be for 6 or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you till I call for her
Take care of her for me?

"I cannot promise she will stay
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.

"I've looked the whole world over
In my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs, the crowd, life's lanes
I've selected you.

"So will you give her all your love
Nor count the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take her home again?"

I thought I heard them say,
"Yea, Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joy this child will bring
The risk of grief we'll run.

"We'll shelter her with tenderness
And love her while we may
And for the happiness she brings
Forever grateful stay.

"And should the angels call for her
Much sooner than we planned,
We'll bear the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand".

"I'll lend you for a little while
A child of mine" He said.
"For you to love while she lives
And to mourn for when she's dead".

Author Unknown

The Weaver

My life is but a weaving
Between the Lord and me,
I cannot choose the colors-
He worketh steadily.

Oftimes He weaveth sorrow,
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I, the underside.

Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

Grant Colfax Tullar

What would she have looked like?

Remember our "Who did she look like?" post? Well, we finally got the edited picture of her back from Hollywood Foto Fix. They have a free service for the parents of stillborn babies where they study the picture you give them and edit the picture to make the baby look like she would have had she been born alive. Here's Olivia's picture:

We won't know for a while how close they really came, but isn't she beautiful? Takes my breath away.

Tiny Footprints

A Letter to a Lost Grandbaby and Niece

What a song began in our hearts when she first told us about you, a note of excitement bubbling over. We could not help but fall in love just waiting.

We knitted blankets of hopes, dreamed countless adventures, imagined bright sunny days at the park, your first ice cream cone melting down pudgy fists.

Our arms readied themselves, we waited on edge, longing for the day when your first cries would break the air, and we would be there to soothe, to rock, to lullabye to sleep.

We could not be prepared for the next measure-your mother's voice broken, her heart, our hearts together, rubbed sore and raw with the loss of you. Our arms helpless to soothe, to rock away her pain.

Oh little one, what plans we had, what delicious dreams, what joy you brought in your small space. Your tiny footprints carried with us create a new rhythm in our hearts.

by Kimberly de Montbrun

My Angel's Father

I see you grieve, though no one else does.
I see them pass you by to give me hugs of sympathy.
I know your heart aches, though in a different way than mine.
I know you too miss her terribly.

Before her I thought I knew you.
I saw in you my strength and safety.
Now that she's come and gone I see even more.
You solely comfort me though your heart is breaking.

I've always called you my knight in shining armor.
Now I truly know why.

-Peach

Oh Mother, My Mother

Oh Mother, my mother
I touch your tears,
invisible fingers soothing your skin
I know you think of me so often in the day,
in the night,
in your dreams
going into an empty nursery
knowing I'll never be there
but I am...
in your heart,
in your soul,
I shall always be
for you gave so unselfishly of yourself
Inside of you, you created such a world for me
a world of laughter,
of love of sadness,
of sorrow
every emotion people come to know you shared with me.
And even though I may never feel your arms around me
I felt your heart beating,
like a lullaby,
singing me to sleep
and your spirit giving me a safe haven
already protecting me,
nurturing me
preparing me for things to come
But sometimes the journey of life pulls souls apart
and yes, I had to go on to another place.
I wish I could stay
I wish this was a decision I could make
and I know you do too.
Know this, wherever you are:
I will always remember that yours was the first love
the first joy,
the first soul I will ever know
you gave me the courage to go on in my journey
I hope I can do the same for you
Your heart beat will always call me to you.

Author: Theresa Cochrane

Thank you to the friend who shared this poem with us.

Memorial Doll

We had a memorial doll made by Remember Me Preemie. The doll is the same length and weight as Olivia. It is shaped the way a preemie is shaped which is different than a full-term baby. We thought it would be good to have something to show people just how small she was and also good for our future children since we were the only ones who saw her. The doll turned out so good that Remember Me Preemie put it on their website. The doll's hands and feet are larger than Livy's though.

Stop by and have a look if you'd like. It's neat to hold it and think of Liv. It's a very close likeness.

Birth Announcements

I had birth announcements picked out the week we found out we were having a girl. I was so excited to be able to finally be sending out birth announcements of our own. For the past couple of months I've been debating sending them out now that things have changed. The wording would be so different than I first expected. I thought that it might make people uncomfortable. I thought that it might seem like we were bringing up a sad situation again. I thought lots of things. In the end my love and pride for my daughter won out. I am proud of her. I love her so deeply. The fact that her life was so short was not her fault. It was no one's fault. Why shouldn't we send out her baby announcements? She lived. She had a personality. She was born. She was beautiful. We think of her no differently than if she had lived for a few years instead of just a few months. I hope you can understand. Also, we wanted her family and friends to have a picture of her to remember her by. I picked this picture because it isn't a close-up (for the children's sake). Please feel free to order any pictures of Olivia that you want from the link to her pictures to the right.

If you or anyone you know would like to receive an announcement and didn't, please email us. We'd love to send one.

My Night

My night was broken -
Split by the wail of
My baby's phantom cry.
Half asleep I stumbled
To the crib that stared at me.
Empty.

Awake.
Aware now,
I returned to my bed
With empty, aching arms.
I wondered,
As I hugged my pillow close,
And rocked myself to sleep,
If you were all right.
If you were truly crying.
If your cries had somehow traveled to me.
Or if those tears and cries
Were welling up
From a place deep within me
And spilling into my dreams.

-Anonymous

My Child's Name

"The mention of my child's name may bring tears to my eyes, but it never fails to bring music to my ears. Let me hear the beautiful music of her name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."

-Unknown

Fireworks!

On Tuesday, July 3rd, we went to the cemetery at night to see Livy's solor-powered butterflies light up. They were surprisingly bright. They blink. You can see them from a good ways away. While we were there the fireworks at the golf course started. We could see them perfectly, so we stayed and watched the fireworks with our little Liv. It was pretty neat. If we can remember, I think we'll do that every year.



Livy's butterflies

Blink of an Eye

"They say that time in heaven is like a 'blink of an eye' here on this Earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me in a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies, so happy and completely caught up in what she is doing that by the time she turns around to see if I'm behind her... I will be."

-Author Unknown