Expecting

"I don't think most people realize just how much is lost when a baby dies. You don't just lose the baby, you also lose the 1 and 2 and 10 and 16 year old that she was going to become. You lose Christmas mornings and loose teeth and first days of school. You just lose it all."

from Still.
a collection of honest artwork & poetry from the heart of a grieving mother
by Stephanie Paige Cole

Tonight

As I sit here tonight, listening to this beautiful music, watching little Liv's slideshow, crying my heart out, I am filled with utter and seemingly endless grief. But I know that's okay. Evey now and then it needs to be so. I will be okay. She will be mine forever. I will see her again one day. But for now someday isn't soon enough. I want it to be today. Tonight. In my arms being rocked. Little three year old curly headed princess. I love you.

Too Good For This World

Remember in the Walk To Remember post I said I'd let you know where you can download the song Kevin Burdick sang for free? Here's the link: http://www.dempseyburdick.com/free_mp3.html. A donation would be very much appreciated as it goes toward providing headstones for babies whose families cannot afford to do so.

Headstone Help

If you or someone you know needs financial help purchasing a headstone for their baby please visit this website: http://www.dempseyburdick.com/index.html.
I have always had the same thought. I thought of doing a fundraiser to buy the small temporary metal haedstones that are flat on the ground for the babies without headstone in Olivia's cemetery. Now I'll just try to contact the families and give them this information.

Thank you Kevin Burdick.

2,000 Faces

2,000 faces to represent the 2,000 women who lose a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss, every day, in the US alone. I am face number 1,136. Click here to view my face: http://www.iamtheface.org/?page_id=2552.

Walk To Remember

Every year our local chapter of SHARE holds a Walk to Remember at a local park. Every year the day of the walk we have been out of state visiting hubby's family. This year I was bound and determined to go. I'm so glad we did.
We all gathered in the amphitheater.

The back of the t-shirts.

Display as you walk in. Click on it to make it larger. Brought back so many memories of the day Livy was born. Little dress. Little bear. Little hands and feet.

Waiting for the program to begin.

This is me, Olivia's momma.

The fella who read a poem.

This fella came from Arizona to talk and sing for us. He lost a daughter. The song he sang was absolutely beautiful. I'll post the link as soon as I find it. Check back later if you're interested. His name is Kevin Burdick.

The walk.



Others on the walk.



Livy's balloon.

A balloon for each baby lost to this world.


Remembering a friend's baby since she wasn't able to be there.

Two gals read all the babies' names and as each name was read they're loved one(s) released a balloon for him/her.

My friend's baby's balloon flying high.




Olivia's balloon on it's way to heaven.


Silent tears fell down my face the whole time. It was such a wonderful experience. Loved it. So glad we went.

Wave of Light

Acceptably Painful

Last month was the first time I haven't been to Livy's grave at least once a month. She had no flowers or figurines or anything at her place last month. I thought about it every couple of days. I never planned on going though. Each time I'd think about it it felt acceptably painful. I no longer had to go. I wanted to go. But I'd let the idea of going sit in my brain for a minute or two and the thought passed. October came so so quickly. Before I knew it it had been a whole month and I had not driven that drive up the hill. I was a little shocked. A whole month. I do feel guilty because our little Olivia's place had no flowers for a whole month, but as far as how I feel just about the fact that I didn't go to "see" her, it feels acceptably painful. No longer a dire need. There is no longer an insurmountable urging force. And I think that's okay. Maybe.