Acceptably Painful

Last month was the first time I haven't been to Livy's grave at least once a month. She had no flowers or figurines or anything at her place last month. I thought about it every couple of days. I never planned on going though. Each time I'd think about it it felt acceptably painful. I no longer had to go. I wanted to go. But I'd let the idea of going sit in my brain for a minute or two and the thought passed. October came so so quickly. Before I knew it it had been a whole month and I had not driven that drive up the hill. I was a little shocked. A whole month. I do feel guilty because our little Olivia's place had no flowers for a whole month, but as far as how I feel just about the fact that I didn't go to "see" her, it feels acceptably painful. No longer a dire need. There is no longer an insurmountable urging force. And I think that's okay. Maybe.