04 September 2011


FOL FOH did not have a monthly writing challenge for July. August and September are together in one topic - relationships.

After the loss of our daughter my relationship with my husband became stronger. Sure there were those tense times when he couldn't understand how I expressed my emotions, but that's just gonna happen between the sexes. He was my rock. He held me and comforted me though he was hurting himself. We became closer because our true selves were exposed. Tragedy tends to do that.

After the loss of my daughter I drew away from my momma. She didn't understand, and tried to say the right things, but ended up saying all the wrong things. People who have never been through the loss of a pregnancy and/or child cannot understand and so do not know which things are right to say and which are wrong. True, some things are obvious, but things like "she's in a better place" or "you can have another" are meant to help and the person saying them cannot understand how it actually does more damage than helps. I withdrew from her after hearing several of these comments. It took months to get back to where we were.

After the loss of my daughter my relationship with my sister I am close to changed too. I withdrew from her because she had two beautiful and healthy children and mine was dead. She had no problems getting pregnant and we did. She could get pregnant again at any time she wanted, but chose not to at the time. I never did and never will have the luxury of that choice. It took months before we were close again too.

After the loss of my daughter my relationship with family and friends changed too. No one knew what to do or say so most, but not all, did and said nothing. I am still not sure if that is better than trying and saying the wrong thing. Thoughts?

There was one friend, who I've mentioned before, who listened and looked at pictures and asked questions, and took the lead from me and talked about Olivia as if she were our real true daughter who we lost, because she took the time to understand that Olivia was and is our real true daughter who we lost. Thank you P. I will NEVER forget.

Unfortunately, when a woman loses a pregnancy and/or child not only does she have to deal with the grief of it she also has to deal with educating people about what to do and say and what not to do and say. And we must do it. We must. If we don't. how will they know? We cannot forever hold them accountable for something they did not realize was wrong.

Here is a link to a basic yet helpful printable page you can give to help people learn: Support for Family & Friends. At the bottom of the page is a link for a beautifully done printable pamphlet you can also give to help people learn.

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