My Fondest Dream

"I believe in Christ; he stands supreme! From him I'll gain my fondest dream; And while I strive through grief and pain, His voice is heard: 'Ye shall obtain.'"

-From the LDS hymnal, hymn # 134, I Believe in Christ, text by Bruce R. McConkie

Why Olivia?

It was her name before we knew it. It was always her name, and it was meant to be given to her. One of the very first names that came up was "Olivia". Hubby loved it. In the end we ruled it out because it is such a popular name and we didn't want there to be 5 other Olivia's in her kindergarten class. The night before Olivia was born Hubby and I discussed what to name her. The first name came from Doug who said "Olivia". It clicked. That was it. We immediately knew it. I said "Olivia", and she became Olivia. Then I asked about a middle name. We thought a second. I said a certain name and it clicked again. That was it. We knew it. Olivia. A name beloved by her daddy, with a name shared with her momma and beloved by her grandma, added to the name of her family. It is perfect, and it fits her so well. When I held her the next day, I knew "Olivia" was who she was meant to be.

Grief Brings A Gift

"Our grief always brings a gift. It's the gift of greater sensitivity and compassion for others. We learn to rise above our own grief by reaching out and lessening the grief of others."

Dr. Robert Schuller

Brighten the Heavens

Sorrow is great at the loss of our child,
in parting with one that we love,
That parting was made, that our child might go,
And brighten the heavens above.

-Unknown

Olivia's Due Date Balloon Release Pictures

Our balloon release at Olivia's grave:

Aunt Janis' balloon release:

Momma and Minnie's balloon release:

Thank you to those who participated in a balloon release for Olivia. I guess one of my biggest fears is that she will be forgotten. It deeply touches my heart to know when she is remembered. Thank you.

In Memory of Olivia

Today, or some day around today, you should have been a pink little wrinkly squirmer in our arms. Instead you are one of God's angels, and I know you're in His choir. I remember how you'd move when you heard me sing, or when Daddy'd turn the music up really loud. What a joy you were to us. Our little girl we had waited so long for. We wanted you before we even found each other. I know you helped us find each other. Our tiny daughter. How beautiful you were lying there in our hands. Still and silent. It was like finally being able to see and hold the wind. Our baby girl. How beautifully sad the day was that you were born. Had things been the way we planned, today, or some day around today, would be your birthday. Your nursery would be filled with your cries. Oh, to hear you cry! Your crib would be warm with your heat. My breasts would not have had milk in vain. My arms would not ache. Our loved-ones would be glad to see pictures of you. But, it was not meant to be. Your body was never meant to walk this earth, but you have tread all over our hearts. Today Daddy and I wear pins over our hearts. Pins of a heart, with tiny feet within, to show that you were here. To show that though I no longer carry you in my belly, I will always carry you in my heart. You are real, and though others may, I will never forget you. My baby. My darling. My daughter.

Remembrance

You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want - smile, open your eyes, love, and go on.

-Author Unknown

Due Date Balloon Release

We are planning a balloon release at Livy's grave on her due date, August 20th. EVERYONE is invited, but we don't expect for you to come. It's nothing formal. Just a little way for us to remember her. We also thought it might be nice for those who were not able to attend the funeral. You can bring a balloon, or not. Nothing is expected. However, if you do bring a balloon please do not bring a metallic-looking mylar one as they do not biodegrade. We will be there at 7:00 PM. There will not be a ceremony or anything, just a moment of silence when you can think or pray, then the balloon release. Please do not feel like you need to come from out-of-town, but you can if you wish. Either way is honestly fine with us. IF YOU KNOW OF ANYONE WHO MIGHT LIKE TO BE THERE PLEASE INVITE THEM FOR US.

Also, thought I'd mention that we have friends and family who live out of state who are releasing balloons for Olivia where they live at the same time we are. If you'd like to do that, that'd be wonderful. If you happen to get a picture, we'll post it here on her memorial blog.

Sadness and Hope

"I can promise you that you will not forget , though the world will move on - maybe without you - for a quiet space anyways- and that sometimes you need to sit with sadness as your friend, to invite her in for tea so that she may tend your suffering - that you should embrace her, welcome her, and listen to her wisdom, for she cannot leave your door until you do..."

- Unknown



"There are times when there are too few words left to heal us, when what we wish for is to be carried, when all we have left is the hope that tomorrow will be a more gentle place to land than today."

-Unknown

Tiny Footprints on a Mother's Heart

When a baby arrives,
be it for a day, a month, a year or more,
or perhaps only a sweet flickering moment-
the fragile spark of a tender soul
the secret swell of a new pregnancy
the goldfish flutter known to only you-
you are unmistakeningly changed...
the tiny footprints left behind on your heart
bespeak your name as Mother.

- Author Unknown